Waiting to Exhale

After holding our breath for what felt like far too long, we were able to exhale yesterday.  Nathan went on a job interview for a job he really, really wanted and they hired him.  I didn't realize how much I was even holding it in until he called me to tell me the news.  You know how it is when you are going through something rough and you are just putting one foot in front of the other to get through it...and then there is a point where the fullness of it hits you.  That was us yesterday.

So while I'm thrilled, I'm also feeling flooded with other emotions at the same time.

It's not just the "we are worried about finances" that had us feeling so emotional.  We've had a year, or maybe more like the last six months, where we felt some of those closest to us in life promised things and then didn't deliver.  Things that ended up costing us in some pretty significant ways.  Ways that the other people just didn't seem to grasp no matter how much we shared our view of the matter with them.  Ways that the people still don't grasp.

We've been slow to react to that reality, mostly because we wanted to believe the promises.  It's amazing what you'll believe simply because you wish it were so.  I read somewhere during that time that it is painful to face your character flaws when you see them and it is also painful to face the character flaws in those closest to us.  So it was some of that.  And it doesn't matter who it was or what it was because it could be anyone and anything that happened because stuff like this does happen.  It's just life stuff...stuff that happens when you are human and have relationships with people.  But still painful.  Really, really painful.

On the other hand, during that same time period we had people extend themselves in ways that I'm still humbled (and to be honest-uncomfortable) with.  There has been a level of graciousness and just pure love that we weren't looking for from the people and yet it is exactly what we needed to still believe in the overall goodness of mankind.  Some of the people are our pickleball friends and some are the people we've just met that work here.  People that weren't just concerned about how we'd make it, but did something about it until we did find our way again.  I didn't want to stay put at this park but it ended up being exactly where we were supposed to be for now.  So it's been ok...actually it's been amazing.....just weird.

I'd love to just be sunny about it because it is REALLY great news.  I'm grateful in ways that I can't even express in words.  Yet, I feel the knot in my shoulders from the stress tonight so it wouldn't be completely honest to just say YAY and not be real about the parts that are hard. 

It's life...we'll find more solid footing again and we know that it will be ok in the end.  In the meantime, I'm doing some deep breathing to release the tension and trying to wrap my brain around the reality that we had exactly what we've been waiting for arrive yesterday.  Wrapped up in the most beautiful bow and delivered just in time.

Living the life!