Saturday, April 10, 2010

Saying Goodbye to the Girls

We had another goodbye today.  Ambir and Auburn drove up to Orlando to get Ace and visit with us.  Since we won't be here for Ambir's birthday on the 16th, we ate birthday cupcakes tonight.

I'm having a weird mix of emotions about this day.  We thought Auburn would be coming with us.  For various reasons, I told her she had to come with us for a bit.  Then we extended the offer to Ambir also.

We took Ace with us and the reality of having another dog was there in my face.  A really big dog.  With black hair.  Black hair that overtook my RV.  The thought of four big kids, two big dogs and us started to panic me a bit.  Ok, more than a bit.  It freaked me out more than I'd like to admit.

The other part of me was super excited at the thought of four of our kids doing this seeing the world thing with us.  I truly believe this to be one of the finest educational opportunities that they could experience.  That part of me hoped it would happen.  Then I'd vacuum for the third time in one day and I hoped it wouldn't.  Then I'd picture us all sitting in Chesapeake Bay and I'd hope it would.
That's how it seems to go when you are a parent.  Your whole world can be turned into pros and cons columns.  It's never super clear what we should do.  There is rarely a right or wrong choice, just better and worse choices.  And you rarely know which one it is, until after the fact.  It's a maddening thing to a control freak like me.

In the end, they did not stay with us that day.  And they still might be with us at some point.  I'm really happy about that.  And I'm still really freaked out about it.  As you can see, I'm made zero progress on this one, even after weeks of pondering it.

For today, I am mostly sad that we are saying goodbye to them.  It's never easy.  I will miss them.  I will worry about them.  I will feel guilt that I am leaving.  And I'll be happy to return to my normal once a day vacuuming schedule.  That's just how I am.