Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dear Virginia,

While I have enjoyed our long term relationship, it is now clear to me that it's just not working for me at this point.  I've loved your diversity.  The fact you have mountains and the ocean clearly make you a strong contender for one of my faves.  We've been in love for years now.  You had me at Skyline Drive.  You've entertained me in a fine fashion.  You've fed me like a mother feeds her dearest child.  It was almost a match made in heaven.

But as in any relationship, there is a problem, my sweet Virginia.  A problem I fear you are clearly in denial about.  I have held out for ten weeks, hoping that you'd come around but it is just not happening.  What is the problem?  Lean forward.....it's your weather.  It stinks.

Yes, Virginia, while you had fun at our expense, we began to not want to be friends any longer.  Because it is not amusing to us my former friend.  What is not amusing you say?  Here is my list of not fun:

1.  Sweating profusely while doing anything but sitting completely still while planted directly under a raging air conditioner.

2.  Almost burning said air conditioner up because of the aforementioned "raging".

3.  Having to peel myself off of the leather seats of my truck.  This was only possible at all due to the profuse sweating.  Otherwise I'm convinced I'd still be stuck there. 

4.  Watching my sweet dog pant.  All day long.  All night long.  Rinse.  Repeat.

5.  Watching my sweet boys lose all energy to do anything.  Except fight.  All day long.  Most of the night.  Rinse.  Repeat.

6.  Forcing us to stand in a lukewarm Wave Pool at the water park, and I do mean stand because we were elbow to elbow with people so we couldn't actually move around there.

7.  Making me hate the Wave Pool.  And the Hubba Hubba Highway which is also not fun when there are too many people.  (Bouncing off of people you do not know, while amusing to some, is not my kind of fun)

8.  Sucking my desire to cook completely away.  You know how much I enjoy cooking and lately I just can't bring myself to do it at all.  We're all cranky because we are missing my fabulous gourmet meals.

9.  Ok, you got me on the last one.  So I owe you for one.  You still owe me for eight.

10.  Last, but definitely not least, forcing my eyes to take in many sweaty men.  Hairy, sweaty men with clothing that clings to their bodies.  And not in a good way, Virginia.  (My eyes!  My eyes!)

As you can see, I have no choice but to inform you that it's over.  I'm moving on to cooler pastures.  I'm seeking a place where I don't have to wonder what the liquid on a grown man's body is when he is standing in the pool next to me. Now that I think about it, I don't want to wonder what the liquid on my own body is.  Those things make my head hurt and my stomach churn and then I get cranky. 

Before you protest too loudly, and swear to me that you are cooling down today, I am telling ya...it's too little, too late.  By the time you read this letter, I'll be halfway to North Carolina.   For the record, this is all your fault.  I didn't want it to end this way.

I had no choice.

Love,
Krystal

PS  I'll be back again!  Just because I hate you now doesn't mean I won't love you again later.  Lucky for you, I'm fickle and I have a short memory! 

5 comments:

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Krystal -- This is SOOO funny! I wish I could write like that. Because as you know, I could sub the word Florida there and it would pretty much be true*.....

Happy and Safe Travels y'all!

*not the gourmet cooking part ;>)

The Valentine's said...

I'm not thinking that NC will be much cooler, LOL, but enjoy anyway, safe travels...

Ali

Show Us The World said...

Sallie, it is most definitely true of Florida. Except this past winter of course when Florida thought it was Michigan! The weather has been crazy on the east coast this year!

Show Us The World said...

Ali, it will be. Trust me, I checked before we left. (We'll be in the mountains)

Sabbatical, Phase 6- next? said...

Ahhhh, isn't it nice to get to leave? The letter is classic and a true LOL moment... my thoughts exactly on the sweaty men, oh dear. Gotta save this one!! Enjoy NC! When you see the same thing there head to Maine.