Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year

How exciting to write for the first time in 2009! We had a very quiet (read lame) New Year's Eve last night. As I take a few minutes to write this morning, and think of the topic of change it is easy to think of tons to write on this topic, given how drastically our lives have changed since a year ago this same time.

What struck me the most though, is that today is another moving day for us. As I've shared before, I used to hate moving days and now I love them. That is a big deal for me because I've traditionally been a person who hates change of all kinds. I would run from any kind of change when possible at the very worst and drug my heels until there was smoke coming off of them at the very best. I lumped all change together and deemed it "bad". I think I've found that I don't really hate change as much as there are certain types of change in life that are not pleasant for me, others can be quite positive.

For example, we've been spoiled by the kindest, warmest embraces from people since heading out on the road that we've almost forgotten that people can be less than inviting at times. We've forgotten that not everyone moves as this deliciously slow pace that we mostly do now. So it was a change to come back and feel as if we were being squeezed into other people's schedules in a way that was far less than what we'd hoped for. For whatever reasons, it's been a change that they can't just pull up a chair and sit for awhile and catch up on what each of our lives has brought to us since we've last been face to face. We've been allocated time to tag along in their busy lives, rather than given the gift of being given time just to soak up, well....each other. It's felt like a rude slap in the face to be honest, especially when we know it wasn't always this way.

That kind of change I still am not a fan of. That kind of change has brought much sadness and crying to my days, where I haven't experienced much of either for months now. I doubt I'll ever be a fan of that kind of change.

What I am a fan of, is that I can roll a little better with it than I used to. Not the pain part of course. But I can say, the relationship has changed and it isn't what I want it to be, but it is what it is and I can't make them want what I want, and then I can move forward (hopefully).

It's not astounding or amazing in any way that I can now do that. I'm a bit embarrassed that it's taken me so long to be able to do that. But I know it's change that has come through many little decisions that allowed me to grow so I could stop staying stuck in certain areas and learn no matter what goes down in life, we do have a choice to move forward.

It's allowed me to have an outlook that we will visit a lot of places while we travel and some of those places I'll love and some I'll not love and that's ok. I won't have to stay at any of them for too long, so I do get that my investment isn't requiring me to love any of them. But the simple fact that I know this up front and still want to try is a huge change from the place I was at even five years ago. So today, with this new year already unfolding, I am grateful for this change in my life. This "change" ironically being that I can view change itself in a different way than I used to.

May all of you be full of the goodness that every new start in our lives brings-fresh hopes, fresh chances and opportunities to experience the changes that are necessary in order for there to be growth.

Many thanks to those who sat with me while I cried and peace to those that were a part of the story behind the tears. Life is good.

Happy New Year!


unschoolermom said...

I love what you wrote! Happy New Year!


laurie l. goodman said...

very moving
i can identify with what you are saying...
good for you!